Dear Black Girl, Go to Therapy.

Dear Melanin Queen,

There has been a stigma about the black community as a whole choosing not to deal with their emotions and seek help. We have a history of taking our emotions and sweeping them under the rug. In fact, older generations would even say that going to therapy means we aren’t trying enough or that we have officially ‘gone crazy’.

Well, I am here to tell you to go to therapy. If you considered it and decided against it because your peers have convinced you to not go, I suggest you let go of those friends IMMEDIATILY. What is even worse is if you yourself have convinced your mind that you should not go. I am sure they love you and think you are great, but when it comes to your mental health, take care of it.

Still not convinced?  Here are some reasons to go.

  1. Your future self and relationships will thank you.

Therapy is more than just talking about your past relationships and childhood, it is about finding practical solutions that you can apply to everyday life. Including handling your emotions during certain situations and handling conflict. Since I decided to go to therapy in January, I have seen progress in the way that I handle my emotions and current relationships. I even find myself being more open with my parents when something is bothering me or when I don’t agree on something. The relationship I have with them has gotten better because of it.

2. If finances are a barrier, don’t fret.

The great thing about the internet is that you can come across great resources. There are plenty of different of organizations that offer counseling services that are income based. I currently pay $15 a visit and even if my financial situation changes, they are willing to work with me. True therapist who care about you will work with you financially but honestly just want to help you.

3. There are therapista that look like you.

One of the reasons that most black women don’t go to therapy is because they have tried other therapists in the past that are of other races and it just did not work for them. I am not saying that these therapists are not qualified to help with your mental growth but it helps to talk to someone that is familiar with your culture. It’s kind of similar to the unspoken rule that we acknowledge other black people in a room– especially if the majority of the people in the room are white. I think having a therapist that you can relate to will help you find better solutions as a black women but also makes you  comfortable talking about black issues that you don’t have to give a history lesson on.

You know when pastors give their three points before they start a sermon? Well, consider yourself prepared for when you want to talk about why you should go to therapy. I believe that these are good reasons and that you highly consider going.

Please know that you are radiant and drippin’ in melanin. Let’s make sure your outward appearance is just as good as your insides.

 

love a fellow queen who will cheer you on forever.

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5 Things You Should Know Before Dating A Diabetic | The Casonista Blog

One of my goals for 2018 consisted of many things but my main goal was to find a therapist. Since I am on a part-time budget, a reasonably priced one. I found one and I have been going for about 6 months now.. in one of our sessions, my therapist had asked me how living with diabetes affects my life. We concluded that it is definitely a balancing act. I will explain that later but the question that inspired this post was when my therapist asked me how diabetes will play a role in dating and potentially a future spouse.

I have had some serious relationships but as I let that question marinate in my mind, I realized that most of my past relationships have been very insensitive to the fact that I had diabetes. In fact, most of them would forget when preparing food or dining out options for me. Some would wonder why I would be so irritated or tired at times.

But that all ends today because I am about to drop all of the knowledge in this post so that my friends and future romantic relationships can serve me better.

  1. Don’t assume. Just ask. 

I think the number one thing that irritates me is the lack of knowledge that people have about diabetes. Therefore, they assume the following:

  • You can’t eat (insert dangerous food item here).
  • I heard that if you exercise and eat right, you could potentially cure your diabetes. (HA)
  • Have you tried (insert new health trend that everyone claims works wonders)? I have a friend who has diabetes and they swear by it!

You know, when I was in school, I had a math teacher that wrote ‘assume’ on the dry erase board. She said, “If you have a problem understanding something, just ask. If you assume, you make an a** out of ‘u’ not ‘me’. ” That stayed with me for life and she’s right. To better understand me and how I live with diabetes is to just ask me. I will give you an answer to the best of my knowledge. In fact, I am still learning about my own disability so we can learn together!

2. My emotions can get really weird. For real.

So, we all know mental health is a serious thing but did you know high and low blood sugars can affect your brain as well? Don’t quote me on that entirely because scientists are still researching it but it makes sense. I think of times where I would check my glucose number and it would be completely out of range. In June 2013, Erica Gebel, Ph.D., wrote an article on the term ‘diabetes distress’, a term that describes the overwhelming burden and feeling defeat that diabetics feel while managing diabetes

I think the fact that those feelings have a term to it make my feelings very real. Dr. Gebel links diabetes distress to its neighbors’ depression and anxiety, something that I deal with on the daily.  The point that I am making is that my condition goes along with my mental health. This also means that whoever decides to seriously pursue me must be able to handle those times when depression and anxiety try to consume my life. The perfectionist in me is terrified because unlike my work schedule and social calendar, depression and anxiety attacks do not have a time stamp.

But oh how easy it would be if it did. Would I manage it better or be prepared?

Probably not.

3. Exercising is not my favorite thing but should be. 

In a perfect world, Cassy gets up at 6 a.m. and alternates between cardio and yoga throughout the week.

That world does not exist.

Now before people begin sending me individuals who live at the gym and muscles bulging out of their shirts, please understand that I don’t want a trainer but more of an exercise partner. Preferably someone who is on the same fitness journey as me. Even if they aren’t, at least be supportive of me and push me. But also support me when I just want to sit on my couch, watch The Bold Type and eat cookies n’ cream ice cream (sugar-free of course).

4. Help me eat healthy – but really though.

In my past relationships, guys would know I was a type 1 diabetic but failed to understand what it really meant to live like one. This meant that when we chose places for date night, it was usually something unhealthy. Why would you eat a whole 3 piece from Popeye:s in front of me while I am stuck with my McDonald’s salad?

No sense.

#4 goes with #3 and aligns with health journeys. I don’t expect you to give up the foods you like but at least be considerate when making food choices together or cooking for me. It even helps asking me what I want to eat that day because you don’t want me to die, right?

#5. Please don’t broadcast to everyone that I am a  Type 1. It is quite annoying.

I dated a guy that would introduce me but then also tell the others that I was a type 1 diabetic. I thought it was sweet that he was looking out for me but it doesn’t have to be broadcasted to the entire dinner table. Now I can’t enjoy my steak with judging side eyes. What you could do instead is prior to the event, letting the host know that I am one. That way they can prepare food options that are much better for me or put it to the side. Once, I had an ex-boyfriend’s grandma make sugar-free cupcakes just for me. I even got to take them home.

Moral of this blog post is that dating a diabetic can be stressful but if you have questions or concerns, it is best to inquire the diabetic. Don’t try to research it on your own unless it is learning how to better treat it or the science about it. Everyone’s body is different. So what works for some diabetics, may not work for me.

Oh, and to the guy that ordered that Popeye’s, I really wanted a two piece that day with a side of fries. Does choosing a diet Pepsi make it better?

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Uncertainty​.

Last week, I had a conversation with my best friend about life and dating in the modern world. The conversation I had with my best friend was informative and we reached a common ground about dating, however, one thing that struck me was the question of uncertainty.

Why do we go on dates with no clear intentions? Why do you we take huge risks like moving across the world or choosing a career that is fun but challenges us?

So. Much. Uncertainty. 

When I think of uncertain seasons, I think about how much this past year has been. I was certain that I would still be at my old job and now I am not. I was certain that I would graduate in May but now that is on hold. 16-year-old Cassy thought she would be married with kids by now, but she is not.

Strangely enough, I am thankful for the uncertainty, especially as a believer. Imagine if we knew what our life would be like 5, 10 or 20 years from now? Would we, as the body of Christ, need Jesus? I wonder if we would still have the comfort or would it stress us to the core knowing what was coming but became impatient. In fact, we could go as far as doing unnecessary things to make to accomplish that goal at a much faster pace. Of course, that leads to ultimate destruction.

Uncertainty allows us to trust God even more because we have comfort knowing that He is with us always. Even on days where doubts and fears cloud the truth in our brains

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. Isaiah 43:2IT

I know sometimes it is the Christian way to throw scriptures at one another in times of uncertainty, fear or doubt but please be aware that sometimes we just need someone to listen. If you are in a place of uncertainty, this my prayer for you.:

Dear God,

I know that you hold our future in our hands and know what is best for us. We acknowledge that when we are in seasons of uncertainty, we tend to doubt your power and who you truly are. We know that you can handle the small things as well as the big things. We pray that you will give us clarity in this season and to let the Holy Spirit guide us to make the decisions that align with Your will. 

We love you and we praise you always

Amen. 

 

Always Pack A Party Dress 

My dreams is to work in the fashion industry . I don’t want to be a model or a designer . I always just wanted to work behind the scenes . Maybe doing some interviews or working on preparations for events . For Christmas, my best friend gave me this book for  a Christmas present.  

 
I mean , look at the cover . It looks pretty sweet right ? 

Amanda Brooks has been living the dream that every fashionista strives for . She grew up with a stylish mother , studied at Brown in NYC and even had some famous encounters (Madonna and Mick Jagger to name a few ). I think the best part of the book was that I felt like she was a friend telling me about all of her experiences . I can not say that I learned something about the fashion industry but I can say it more of a mentorship . 

I also loved what she said about goals . 

“Mark taught me about setting a goal and holding that goal in your mind, but not worrying too much about how to get there. He likened it to sailing. You set a point on the horizon where you want to end up. In order to get there by sailboat, you have to zigzag, and the wind or the current might blow you off course, but eventually if you keep the destination in your sights you will get there, even if your course is not a straight line. “

– Amanda Brooks, “Always Pack A Party Dress: & other lessons learned from a half life in fashion.” 

I love this book. I recommend it to anyone who just wants to read some fun experiences from someone who has been in the game for 20+ years . If you’re looking for a career advice book, then it’s not for you ! 

Purple Hair & I Really Don’t Care

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Last week, I was standing in In Style Beauty Wigs & More contemplating if I should buy weave or not. I have been wearing my real hair for a couple of months now and I was thinking it was time for something different. I’m going to be honest

I actually cannot stand my real hair.

Last October, I decided to chop off all the dead ends and start all over again. I even allowed the hairdresser to shave some of my hair off as well. I felt sophisticated. I felt like I could take over the world. I also felt sexy. However, all those feelings quickly left when I realized I would actually have to spend more money to keep up with the maintenance of short hair. I averagely would have to spend between $50 – $60 once month.

Guys, can you imagine all the bacon fondue fries I could buy if I didn’t have to take care of my hair . Priorities.

Let’s return to present day, shall we?

So, I’m sitting in the beauty store contemplating about my life choices when I come across two ombre weave styles. One was black and faded into honey blonde while the other one faded into purple.  I remember texting my best friend if it would be ok to buy the purple one because I was really feeling it more than the blonde. I even considered the fact that I might be fired from my library assistant job because of my hair color.

I am happy to say that I happily paid my $39.99 and walked out with my purple weave. *flips hair*. Not only did I take the risk in buying it but I received so many compliments at work the next day. Guys, I do not know what the future holds this year because it is not up to me. I do know that life is about taking risks and not caring what others thinks. This year , I vow to not only take more risks but make decisions based on myself and not what others may say or think.

I promise that you will be much happier.

Be blessed my lovelies !

A Letter For Dylann Storm Roof

Dear Dylann, 

My heart aches for you. Not because of sympathy or the position that you are in but the sad fact that you never experienced God’s pure love until you stepped into that historical black church. The members welcomed you with open arms just as any Christian would do. I think what shocked me the most was the split second that you almost changed your mind to kill those 9 innocent lives . ” I almost didn’t do it . Everyone was so nice.” For a split second , your heart could have changed . That warm feeling you experienced was God’s love. The fact that you world put the African American race into a category of your own honestly pisses me off . I can not speak for everyone but I can speak for myself by saying that I’m not statistic . I finished high school with a 3.0 , continued to college and reviewed my degree . 

I am now on a job search and hope to inspire others to pursue the path that I have chosen. I see a better future for me and those coming up behind me .

I’m sorry if you did not have a good family background . I believe that someone planted that hate inside you and you accepted it for it to grow . I pray that whatever the outcome is for you that you ask for forgiveness . The cowardly act that you’ve done has brought pain to everyone around the world . Most people would wish for you to rot in hell or recieve the death penalty . My advice to you is to listen to the words of the victim’s families and let it convict your heart .

If God can love a sinner like me , I know he can forgive a sinner like you. 

Sincerely ,

A Christian who doesn’t believe in hate

The Charleston Shooting and the Potent Symbol of the Black Church in America

The Junto

Emanuel landscapeLast night, Dylann Storm Roof entered the historic Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in downtown Charleston, South Carolina, sat through an hour-long meeting, and then opened fire on those in attendance. Reverend Clementa Pinckney, a state senator, was among nine individuals who were killed. Many are shocked at not only the grisly nature of the shooting, but also its location. “There is no greater coward,” Cornell William Brooks, president of the N.A.A.C.P, declared in a statement, “than a criminal who enters a house of God and slaughters innocent people engaged in the study of scripture.” Yet this experience is unfortunately, and infuriatingly, far from new: while black churches have long been seen as a powerful symbol of African American community, they have also served as a flashpoint for hatred from those who fear black solidarity, and as a result these edifices have been the location for many of our…

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